Skin crawling, and I want to be out of it
Shucking it like I shed my work clothes
After a long, chalk laden day
Wanting to peel it off me and wash what’s underneath
Clean of memories and miseries formed
In the absence of your presence.
My body howls, heart beating in complex rhythms
Keeping time to the heaving sorrow swirling around my chest
I can barely catch my breath, dizzy
From the unfulfilled rush
That can only be quelled with your kisses
Landing between my breasts
The headaches surge, swelling waves of torment
I grip the sheets of desperation, teeth
Grinding, tongue bitten-I just want the pain to stop
But it presses down on all sides
That you no longer keep my company
Left alone, alone and unprotected, inside this agony
I stare at blank screens
Waiting for that fix-a text, a call, some message from afar
Needing one more hit to soothe the writhing underneath
Wanting this…needing you,
I flex inside, jaw locked
Against the longing whipping me like
A dog in chains that has been left for dead
So long ago
I don’t want to hear your voice-but I still do.
I want to break free of this habit-but I really don’t want to.
So I stand up against the disease, barely able to control the tears
Even as I keep searching for signs of that next high.
I stand up, shaking and ashamed yet somehow not the same:
“My name is love, and I’m an addict”