Pinky and the Brain

Anybody who knows me will tell you that 15 years ago, you could not have PAID me MILLIONS of dollars to believe that I would be a mother–TWO TIMES OVER! I had no intention of having kids, and yet I will tell anybody within earshot that it was the best decision that God ever made on my behalf (trust me, I was trying in the opposite direction with all my might). Haleigh, then Ashleigh and then the two together have impacted my life in a way that I would not trade for anything. I stand in awe that someone-anyone could give me so much guff yet so much love at the same time.

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2011-09-05 13.22.16What is most amazing is how much of myself I see in them both. In Haleigh, I see that smart, curious nerdy girl that infuriated kids and adults alike with my own special brand of “know-it-all-ness”. Her quick wit makes me proud; she get all the vanity that I’ve tried to never use on myself. That fact that she is so pretty with that big, wide smile and long limbs just adds to my complete delight in being blessed with a beautiful girl. I have, in my desire to know her (and let’s be honest, not be around “babies”), made her grow up faster than perhaps her five years (almost six) can bear. She is able to comprehend things that makes me a little uncomfortable; and even though she tries to tell us all EVERYTHING on her mind, there are times when I see her little brain churning away… and I wonder what deep thoughts have overtaken her. I remember when I was that little and what I was thinking: so I pray a little more now.

And then there is Ashleigh–a shock to my already offended system, I gotta be honest. You know the old saying, “Fool meIMG_0329 once shame on you, fool me twice…” Well shame on me! She came at an absolutely crazy and dramatic moment in my life, when I had to decide if I wanted life one way or the other. Bill and I were coming out of a HUGE rough patch, Haleigh was constantly sick and losing hair, we had just moved to Chicago from Houston in the midst of winter, I was beginning the teaching program with Chicago Teaching Fellows… When I began throwing up every morning, I realized that my life would be one way and NOT the other. To make it plain who was really in charge, she came out after 24 hours of mild labor and 2 pushes on my birthday-excuse me, OUR birthday. Ever since then, Ashleigh has made herself known to do what she wants when she wants it. Where Haleigh is my pride and my joy, Ashleigh is my heart. I deny it, but I do favor her sometimes. Her hard posture is so much like me, keeping people away and feeling a need to defend her little self–but breaking down in tears in a heartbeat. I may have given Haleigh my intelligence and favor, but Ashleigh has my heart and desire to be loved.

The two together is like a whirlwind of yelling, crying, fists, giggling and hugs. There is NO ONE who can make me pee myself laughing but these two together. They try so hard to out do each other; and yet, when I see them band together against me when they get in trouble, I smile inside myself because I know that they will always be this way. They will always have each other’s back. They will fight and be angry with each other for a minute, but nothing and no one will come between the two. And that makes this reluctant mom smile in her heart.IMG_0146

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