This is how it begins

This is how it begins,
Soft tears full of salt and resentment
Slow rolling, winding their way
To down-turned lips
Should be my hips undulating
Creating patterns of delight
Instead I wipe away trails of regret
Staining my wounded pride.

This is how it begins,
Halting words morphing into angry screams
The fantasy of reconciliation turned to misery
Responses cold and heartless in return for
Misty pleas
Since when did it become a shameful thing
To be the one in need:
Of your love and attention and time?
Instead I bite the tongue meant to lick
The love on the other side.

This is how it begins,
Sweet caresses interrupted by more important things
The last thing on your list,
My attempts to resist bring
War and wounds and sorrow
I am the problem now
No matter how much I bow, or wait, or howl
Instead I stand trial: Guilty, and guilty again
Of wanting more than you are willing to give.

This is how it begins.

But today is when it ends.

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