So, all around my Facebook news feed, I was seeing these little pink memes that say things like:
“If he pauses the video game to text you back, marry him.” Or,
“If he listens to your girly talk, watches you shop and looks at your favorite soap opera with you, marry him.”
What the what? Have we gotten this low-budget when it comes to love? I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but a dude coming off his video game for 15 seconds is not a sign of love-that is called common courtesy. And your guy watching real housewives of Atlanta does NOT a husband make–that is called him waiting to take back control of the remote.
Trust me-I do not believe in crazy lists of “must haves” or rating systems because that ish is unrealistic. However, having standards is a good thing. You do not have to settle for next to nothing just to say that you have a man—cause you’d be lying. You don’t have a man–you have a dude that is an adult. Men know to not ignore you in favor of a video game or facebooking on his phone. Men love to see their women looking good and will take you shopping so he can help you pick out some sexy outfits to rock for him. Men listen to you.
Are there still some of those kind of men out there? Absolutely—don’t be too superficial (looks and job descriptions and all that) to see a good man when he walks by. But also, understand that there are some guys out there who are becoming men and could go either way depending on your approach. And your approach is all about this fact: How you go in is how it will be—plain and simple.
So let me tell you how to go in without being a complete bitch while still allowing your guy who is growing up (instead of reverting back to breast milk and video games).
1. Stop sleeping with dudes the 1st time you meet them. I hate Steve Harvey (yeah, I said it—he’s a chauvinistic jerk who plays on women’s fears of being alone forever), but that is ONE thing that he got right. Y’all break bread too fast. I mean, you want forever results from quickie responses. I am not saying that people don’t get married and have long relationships (starting from a jump off) but if you look at the statistics, it’s not too many.
2. Stop giving him your all without him putting any skin in the game. So you’ve given him the business, and now your behind is cooking dinner and baking cookies like you guys have been together for 15 years! Every time he calls or stops by unannounced, you are immediately available. If he needs to borrow your car, you give his own set of keys. STOOOOOOPPPPPPPP! Most guys have done nothing to deserve the attention but what guy is going to pass up the chance to soak up undeserved adoration? You’re interested in becoming his lady–not his mama. Or his prostitute (because, let’s be real, this is what hoe’s do: give all their hard-earned everything to a dude who doesn’t deserve it).
3. Start asking real questions. Guys don’t like to be deep. But if he is really interested, he will suck it up and respond because he cares what you think. Most of you take a dude at face value—literally face value: he looks good, drives a good car, has a good job. You don’t know how many kids he has stashed around town, how bad his credit is, how he treats his mama/sisters, how he treats his baby mama (if he has one), how his folks treat him… You don’t know if he’s been abused or what kinds of relationships he’s had. All you know is that he’s fine—like that’s going to help you when he punches you in the face the first time or you have to baby sit 3 kids dropped off by 2 different women.
And now, about YOU:
4. Stop being afraid of being alone. There is NOTHING wrong with being single. I swear, some of you act like it is a LIFE requirement to get married. I’m here to tell you, you should wear your singleness well. I loved the article entitled Simply Single,where R. A. Love talks about how being single is NOT a crime or a situation that needs correction. I know! Some of your families are overzealous with that “you’re not complete until you’re in a relationship” stuff, but that attitude often misinterprets God’s purpose for you. When the Bible said, “It’s not good for man to be alone”, God wasn’t talking about you had marry—He was saying that humanity needed more of his own kind around so he would not be alone among animals and creation. God was, in fact, highlighting the importance of relationships of all kinds: husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends…family. You can have and enjoy family without being married—which means you don’t have to settle.
5. Stop associating aloneness with loneliness. Loneliness, like boredom, is an internal matter. If you are always lonely, then you need to address the spiritual issues, aches and pains that cause you to feel that way. I personally think that I am the best company ever—so I don’t generally need people to make me feel great. I have fun all by myself sometimes. If you are always miserable if no one is around (especially a man), then you need to check yourself for soul issues that no man will ever be able to fulfill for you.
6. Take your time. Love is built around TRUST and that takes time. You would not trust your wallet with a random person on the street—so how come everybody gives their hearts to whomever? Get to know yourself and what your strengths and weaknesses are in relationships and then take time to explore the strengths and weaknesses of that possible mate.