Spanking Is Not The Problem-YOU ARE!

I hate to see parents always snatching their kids around, smacking them around like dogs when they are little. I have been known to step in when I see it—not because I’m some parenting guru, but because I love children. I can also tell when the parent is dumb. Plus I figure since Child Protective Services is overworked and understaffed that I need to do my part.

Many parents don’t have a clue about what it takes to raise kids because they are immature to have children (and the rest of you act like you are brand new).  And they don’t know anything because their youngish (to have a kid their age) mama didn’t have anybody to show them. And their grandmamma didn’t have nobody. And…well, as you can see for your own life how foolishness begets great foolishness unto the 3rd and 4th generation. So, being the benevolent human being that I am, I wanna talk to you about how you treat your kids so that you can do better as a parent and stop making the rest of us (who use “spanking” as an intermittent deterrent) look bad.

So first off, let me say it very clearly: There is nothing wrong with spanking a child. Spanking is a great deterrent to behavior that can get a child hurt, maimed or killed. The trouble is that those of you who don’t have any other weapons in your arsenal of parenting techniques use it as your only method.

I’m saying all of this because I want you to DO better; but I can’t teach you how to be a stellar parent in 1000 words or less—SO! I’m going to at least get you on the right track and maybe you will experience enough success to want to go down to the CPS office or Head Start or local library and take the free parenting classes.

#1. Stop hitting your kids every time they do something you don’t like—it doesn’t work. If you haven’t figured out by now (since Lil Ray Ray just got picked up a second time and taken to juvenile detention): arbitrarily popping a child does no good. It desensitizes the child and promotes children to figure out ways to not get caught so they don’t get hit. Spanking should ONLY be used to keep a child from doing something dangerous that you cannot yet explain to them—like walking into incoming traffic or messing with the stove or stabbing their little sister with a knife. In instances like this, most children are too small to understand the “why’’ of it all; however, a good stunner of an butt whooping will hold them long enough until their little brains catch up. But smacking them every time they do something you don’t like cheapens the effect.

#2. Stop being so fucking lazy—teach them stuff.
Kids are open books, blank pages, little sponges—they need to shown how to handle life and learning. If all you ever do is hit them, they only learn that they aren’t worth much more than the family pet (and is that mangy dog still even alive?). Get up off your lazy behind and take your kid out into the world and show them stuff! Why are you mad that Tink doesn’t know how to act in a restaurant—WHEN YOU HAVE NEVER TAKEN TINK TO A RESTAURANT AND SHOWED HER HOW TO ACT? How dare you smack Ray Ray in the face at the store WHEN YOU HAVE NEVER TOLD RAY RAY HOW TO ACT IN THE STORE OR SHOWED HIM? You can be stupid if you want to, but your child reflects you: your effort, your ideology, your way of doing things. So if you ain’t taught em nothing (or even worse taught them how to be trifling through your own actions), what gives you the right to punish them? They got that  from you.

#3. Stop acting like your kids is a little adult—they need you to repeat stuff.
Kids are not little adults. They are kids. The executive function—the process in the brain where you connect old stuff to new stuff—doesn’t mature fully until adulthood. The frontal lobe—the part of the brain that controls impulse, reasoning and judgment—is still growing long after the leave your house. I mean, come on! Why do you think college students do so much dumb stuff? The parts of the brain that lead you to be a reasoning, rational being haven’t kicked in all the way yet. I said all of that to say this: a little child needs lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of repetition to be able to remember everything they need to know. Telling a child one time, then smacking them ain’t gonna cut it. You have repeat yourself until automaticity sets in (which sometimes it never does…but that’s why we have psychologists and social workers).

Let’s recap:
So, instead of spanking your kid every time they don’t jump up and do something, how about repeating the instructions. Then how about getting your lazy butt up and showing them how it’s done by doing it with them. Then showing them again. And again. And again. Until they get it—not spanking them because you can’t think of nothing else to do (or for most of you trifling selves because you’re embarrassed that you look like a rotten parent because now Honey Boo Boo is cutting the fool).

I can’t promise that these helpful tips will completely change your life, but they will help you raise that child that I seen you snatching away from the candy section at Wal-Mart. Stop being lazy—raise your kids, don’t haze them. If you makes these changes now, you have a greater chance of having a son or daughter who can fake like they got sense later on.

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