One of the worst things about a relationship tanking is the space between where it is starting to die and the actual death. The in-between time reeks of resentment illuminated by false flares of hope that the relationship can be saved. You retreat into your respective corners of life and meet up only to fight, fuck, or fake it in front of friends and family.

The worst part from a girl’s perspective is the loss of respect for the man. Love, a natural and easy thing for women, never really goes away. We will always love the YOU we knew and choose to remember. No, it is the dwindling of respect for you that causes the ugly chaos.

We cannot abide a man we don’t respect. That is why so many guys live in the friend zone; our respect for your ability to protect, provide, and lead us is practically zero. Does that mean that the guy we are with deserves more respect than you? Not necessarily–we just perceive that he has a greater chance of doing all the above things.But I digress.

As I was saying, we find it hard already to respect men because our nature is to correct people and fix things from a social perspective. So when we actually GIVE a guy the respect and he starts to do the opposite of what we expect, the relationship is doomed.

You can tell if a woman respects you or not. When you have our respect, we hang on your every word. Everything you say is interesting and awesome. We repeat what you say to others as though God Himself dropped those nuggets of knowledge. We quote you like we quote Oprah. We also do not argue with you in public. We know that one of the most emasculating things we could do is directly question your opinion or choice in front of your boys. Even when what you are saying is the stupidest, most ignorant string of words to have ever been formed into sentences, we will support you and explain away any misunderstandings on your behalf. We will also defend you to the death to our families. Scrub though you may be, as long as WE respect you, everyone else must do the same or fear the wrath.

But when we have lost faith in you? Dude. We relish tearing you to shreds in front of people-especially your friends. No greater joy exists than to passive-aggressively demonstrate our contempt. We disagree with everything you say–even stuff that clearly makes sense. We find fault in everything you do: from how you chew your food to how you load the dishwasher. We talk about you to family, friends, anyone who will listen to hype ourselves up to finally leave you. When you speak, our eye roll and then glaze over. You get all the yawns.

So check yourself and your relationship. If you are experiencing any of that, you need to make some decisions. Do you want to save your relationship? Then you need to talk to her and see why her respect levels are diminishing. Do you not care about the relationship? Then y’all just need to kiss and say goodbye because it is not going to get better.

You’re welcome.

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