During a counseling session, my counselor told me, “Well, husbands are not mind readers. You must tell him how you feel and what you want.” And I agreed–nobody should be left to read your mind, right?
As I have gotten older and (by God’s grace) wiser, I realized that this is a two way street. Just as a man can’t read a woman’s mind, neither can she read his. In fact, her attempts to “figure things out” when he should be talking to her has detrimental consequences. You see despite how it may seem sometimes, women cannot read minds–but God has given us the ability to intuit what is happening to people and things around us. When we do not have full information to add to those instincts, we can be led astray.
In Genesis, God made Adam first, and gave him some clear instructions:
The LORD God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the LORD God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden— except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.” (Genesis 2:15-17 NLT)
Notice that these instructions came before God made Eve. Yet once God made Eve, Adam NEVER SHARED GOD’s EXPECTATIONS WITH HER. So when she went out into the garden without him, the serpent was able to trick her–not because she was slow, but because her instincts said, ‘What he is saying seems right.’ And even after she took the wrong fruit back to Adam, he still never asked her where she got it from or explained why she should not have eaten it.
Men, the success of your marriage hinges upon your ability to articulate the vision that God has given you for your family, for your work, and for your relationship with her. If you do not share that knowledge with your wife, you are setting yourself for unnecessary problems in your home. She will spend years struggling to figure things out based on her intuition rather than using her instincts to prosper the household.
Now does this mean that women cannot hear from God or are somehow incomplete with a man? Absolutely not! God forbid. But it DOES mean that when you marry, you are deisgned to work as a team–not two separate entities that just meet up when a need arises. A true marriage reflects a partnership where both of your strentghs are used to solve problems and create wealth for your family. However as heads of the house, it is the man’s job to set the tone and give clear goals that his wife can enhance using her God given unique perspective.
Do yourself a favor, gentlemen, and learn to communicate with your wives. Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her what the vision is. Tell her what your goals are. Tell her what your fears are. When you do, God will use her to fill in the gaps and guide your household to greatness.
Update: as soon as I scheduled this, I saw this come through my Facebook feed. Guess what number 1 is? Yup. Communication. http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/4-things-every-wife-desires-from-her-husband/