So. I know you have seen it. If you’re a woman, you most definitely have seen it–even commented on a couple. What am I talking about? These posts on social media that ask the inane question: Who Wore It Better?
Hey! I get it. I get the reason behind it: people want clicks and likes and comments and shares. And anytime we can pass judgment on a body (especially a celebrity), we instantly feel good about ourselves. I have done it in the past…the not too distant past, in fact. Did she kill it? Which one kilt it? Who is prettier? I have been passing judgment on a whole lot of women, withholding my “likes” and “shares” from women that I do not think are pretty enough and commenting on other people’s pictures like I am some fashion maven.
Today, I caught a revelation when I saw one of these who wore it better pictures on Facebook–and I loved both the women (at least as much as you can love a celebrity whom you’ve never met). I felt a momentary outrage before recognizing that I was only mad because I admired both ladies. What if it had been two celebs that I did not care for? What about some unknown individuals who put themselves out there? What about someone being posted but did not know they were?
The thing is, comparing and creating a false sense of competition causes so much harm. We hurt young girls by teaching them to compare their own unique beauty against a false sense of perfection and to revel in tearing others down. We hurt grown women by passing judgment like we actually have some kind of power. We delight in breaking other women’s spirit by creating caste systems: long hair or nah? Natural hair or nah? Skinny with nice hips or nah? Too dark skinned or nah? We hurt ourselves because all the judgy behavior cuts us off from true relationships with other women who could enrich our lives. We unconsciously eat envy, starting to wish we had what we do not instead of appreciating who we are as we are.
I am done with that, though. The only competition I have any day is myself. Am I being MY personal best? I do not need to sit around and drop my cheap two cents about another person’s look. I can be me without all that–even on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.