How to Survive A Bad Break Up Without Killing Your Ex

Someone just read that title and asked, “Is this possible?”

Well, to be honest, I would not know. I have several bodies that will never be found until Jesus comes back and they rise to meet him in the air OR Judgment Day for the Damned occurs. In the mean time, I can tell you what NOT to do to avoid being killed.

Do not have new prospects calling, texting, facebooking or tweeting you until the break up is all the way done.

Do not call your soon-to-be ex any of the horrible, vile names that you thought up on your way to or from home before or after a fight.

Do not ask for the gifts back. They were gifts.

Do not refuse to pay the loans back. They were loans.

Do not take anything from your joint living quarters that could be claimed as community property until you both can sit down (POSSIBLY with a mediator) and figure out who gets what.

Do not tell your friends all of the freaky things you guys did together (this could cause more confusion than you’d think).

Do not show your friends naked pictures or sexy videos of your newly lost love (LAWSUIT).

Do not put him or her on blast in public spaces including but not limited to: parties, nail salons, work, facebook, twitter, or any websites that have the words “revenge” or “don’t date him” in the titles.

Do not call the parents or other family members of your previous paramour to cry or complain about your situation (they will always be on the other person’s side, okay?).

FINALLY: Do NOT make up 2 days later with a complete douche and expect it to be better the second or third or fourth time around.

Thanks for reading—and if you need someone to assist you in body removal or disposal, please free to contact me. My services range from a one-time consultation to full service… service.

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