I Am Not Intellectually Disabled

In this 36 year old iteration of myself, I officially do not need anybody validating anything but my parking. I know what I know concerning my own mind. And I am certain that many women out there are the same way or pretty close to it. You can believe us or not believe us; we do not care. I know my own truth.

But in a relationship, the worst thing that you can do a woman is question what she is saying to you about what she is experiencing.

It happens all the time: she is telling you what is going on with her, and you are silently discounting everything she is saying. Maybe your excuse for secretly blowing her off is, “She is just being sensitive.” Perhaps your reasoning is that “She misunderstood what was happening.” Some of you are not nearly so diplomatic–you try to blame it on menstrual cycles or menopause or just plain “because she is a woman.” But do You know what you are really saying? You do not trust her.

That’s right. You are stating (in an incredibly condescending way) that a woman cannot and should not be trusted to appropriately interpret her own experiences. You are reducing the grown woman in front of you (whom you say you love, want to share you life with, have children with, make DNR decisions for you when you get old and infirm, etc) to the level of an intellectually disabled child.

So harsh sounding, right? But guess what? It is a harsh situation to be in, having to constantly try to convince the person you love that you are not “overreacting” (another patronizing term that guys love to fling at a woman rather than dealing with what she is saying). It is tiring and disheartening. And it makes for a really crappy relationship to know that the perso  that you have entrusted your life to has zero regard for you.

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4 Comments

  1. Powerful post, thanks! I like that term ‘intellectually disabled’. So far, from what my guy shares with me (well after the fact) is my experiences or stories overwhelm him (in his body, like his heart and breathing) so he tries to calm me down. Not working!

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