I keep coming back to this concept of value. Maybe because I did not have much in myself my whole life. I personally defined my value by how someone else acknowledged me–which you KNOW is a problem, since most people only value you as much as you value yourself.
I remember waiting on people throughout my life to give me the okay to go forth and be great: my mom, my boyfriends, my best friends, my bosses, my husband, my pastors. Of course, nobody ever did because I was not sure about my own self. Whatever someone else asked me to do, I did it–even when I didn’t agree with it. I figured their idea was better than anything I could come up with.
But the whole time, this little part of me was constantly screaming, “I am SOOOO much better than how you are treating me”. Even as another little part of me told it to “Shush! We will take what we can get and be grateful”, the little voice was yelling, “Why won’t you just BE YOURSELF? You could be killing the game right now! I don’t know what game, but SOME game!!” I was always scared, though: not good enough, not strong enough, not brave enough, not worth it enough.
I know to some it may seem super extra. I must be exaggerating. I have to be making it up. But there are so many people out here like me dying slow miserable deaths by their own hands. They lack the self image to see how awesome they truly are. Others around them see the greatness–but they also see the weakness, and use it to their advantage. These vultures use every available resource while paying next to nothing; they don’t even bother to say thank you as they walk away from your used up body and mind and spirit.
If I were going to encourage anybody to do anything, I would encourage you to not just love yourself, but trust yourself. Value and appreciate who you are. You may have zero idea where to go or what to do next, and that is okay. Take the first step toward that little screaming voice that is saying “I am more than this”, and the next step will come.