Ladies: Stop Calling Yourselves Bad Bitches

I totally get it. Every few years I get older, someone comes up with a new way to try and reclaim negative terms used to separate the “good” from the “not so good.” We take the words used to demean us and try to reshape them into something empowering, snatch the ugly off of it and polish it up and place it on the shelf in victory.

But the underlying issue remains: you are still defining yourself by someone’s dictionary. You are still calculating your value using someone else’s metric. Dime. Wifey. Bad Bitch. Trap Queen. These terms (no matter how hard you scrub them and attach them to your gorgeous pictures in Louboutins and beat faces) will never measure up to who you are.

I understand. Maybe people made fun of your dark skin, curly hair, gangly legs, freckles, dimples, and the gap between your teeth. Maybe your mom never told you how perfect you were, your dad never hugged you and told you how your price was far above rubies. Maybe nobody told you just how important and precious you are on the earth. Maybe everything in your world told you that you are only as good as your looks, your shape, the tight spot between your legs. Perhaps the message in the songs you hear and the shows you watch only speaks to what interests the shallow nature and the weakness of a world trying to keep you in a particular place. Maybe your insecurity has been fattened up with unkind judgment of the highly irrelevant unfair expectations of physical beauty, preparing you for a life of being used and abused.

My dearest heart: you are so much more than those lies that you have been fed on. And no, I am not knocking your choice to look good–I love to see my sisters fly and fabulous. My heart smiles when I see those pretty made up faces and outfits that slay and hair styles that defy all understanding. I know how it feels to put on your best fit and look in the mirror and be GLAD TO BE YOU.

But you are more than how you look or how others judge your looks. You are more than the designers on your back and feet and shoulders. You are more than a bad bitch.

You are a daughter. A sister. A wife. A friend. A lover. A mother. A grandmother. An aunt. Daddy’s little girl. Mama’s baby. Our princess. His queen. A caregiver. A warrior. A leader. A nurturer. A listener. A learner. A giver.

You are beautiful. Your are strong. You are sweet. You are kind. You are funny. You are purpose. You are destiny. You are fantastic. You are priceless. You have value that is intrinsically you whether you rock sweatpants or a business suit or a bikini.

So why diminish your value? Why dull your shine fighting to be recognized as less than who you are?

Stop calling yourself a bad bitch, trying to be recognized in dark places. Call yourself by the sweetest names that give shape to who you are. You are light. You are life. You are love.

Anyone who refuses to see this in you and actively chooses to say otherwise is not for you. You leave them where they are: misinformed and ignorant of the blessing you were created to be.

You are divine, my sister. Call yourself THAT.

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