Honesty

I used to think that I was a mistake–an unhappy accident, an unwanted curve in the road. I fought all my life not to feel that way even though I knew most of my family did not see me as that. I have battled all of my life against that feeling of unworthiness, trying to claim a place at a table not meant for me. 

But I am over that now. 

I know for a fact that I was created to be just the person that I have become, a living testament to those who walk the earth in “fake it til you make it mode.” The honor of being an example of you are an exceptional somebody floats around me like a halo. It informs every post I write, every status and occasional tweet. It informs the raw honesty that I lay to every page and layer into every conversation.

I have no choice about being honest now. The truth in which I float is the price I paid to be irrevocably me at every moment. It drives me, the freedom of it presses me to present myself in a way that I know closes many doors even as God lifts me into open windows and crevices. 

So when you come here to read something, know that whatever you are reading came straight from my soul, tempered in my spirit and refined in my mind. I leave nothing out, possibly to the chagrin of family and friends. I bear the weight of maybe offending or embarrasing or alienating because I have no choice. The voice with which I speak firmly deliberately refuses all filter except the dressing of pretty prose and verse.

I am not a mistake. I am a very intentional act by the Creator. 

If you suffer from feeling unworthy, allow a former and fellow sufferer to assure you: you don’t just have a purpose: you are the purpose. It is up to you to pursue yourself, to lay hold of the gift that is you and cherish it, feed it, love it. If you don’t no one else will. 

Have a blessed week, and remember: You are not a mistake. You are purposeful. Lay hold of that.

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