Because I want to be intentional about expressing my gratitude even when I don’t feel like it…
Day 20: I have a bit of a story to tell that you may not want to read, so upfront I want to say that I am grateful for my husband. He has been a rock in my weary land this week. It is truly a blessing to have a partner in all areas of life.
I missed two days, and so I figured I’ma just start from where I am, bringing y’all up to speed on my life. I spent Thursday and Friday reeling from a horrible situation at work involving a team that I work with. They have been unable to work together, and our Executive Principal brought in a professional in restorative justice to help them work through their issues. Their personal problems from home, their mutual dislike of each other, and a horrible disparity in how they view the kids they teach blew up. I am talking cursing at each other. The kind of behavior that usually comes to blows in the hood, but because they are both white just it ended in retreat to their respective corners with me in a stunned silence and their teammate (the go-between) shrugging and saying “I’m out.”
It was ugly, and watching the collision of two adult women who have no concept of how to be grown or solve their conflicts professionally took something out of me that I don’t know if I will get back. I love kids, the sole purpose of me working in urban education in particular being the uplift of children who do not necessarily have options and access to what they need to succeed. I wanted to fight both of these girls pretending to be women in their faces. How can you say you love children when you are at such odds that you cannot look each other in the face? The effect on the kids? Astronomical. Screw you and your adult feelings being hurt. Kids’ lives and learning are at stake.
Anyway, in the midst of processing all of that, I had to do my regular job: working at school events, supporting teachers, gathering materials, setting the calendar for the next quarter, finalizing PD agendas… I am nearly sick. I could not even enjoy our Christmas party on Friday. I saw for myself what I was working with and it bothered me down in my soul. How can we show kids a different way when we are leading the foolishness?
But through of all that, my husband kept me grounded, reminding me of the purpose of who we are in this world: a salty family, sprinkling Jesus everywhere we go. We bring light in dark spaces–and boy did I experience darkness this week! It broke my heart, but my husband gave me clarity that enabled me to renew my dedication to my purpose. He told me that I needed to rest up and get ready to shine even brighter when we return off the break.
As we walk these fine lines of being in the world but not of them, being separated even as we walk among the crowds, I am grateful for a person in my life who upholds me when I down. We are building wealth together–not just materials things, but the wealth of kingdom building and spiritual growth.
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 KJV
(Photo credit: http://www.themodernnomad.com/gratitude/)