I am a pretty simple woman. I don’t want much in the way of stuff; handbags and designer shoes are not my thing. I am just as happy with an outfit from Target as I would be with something from Neiman Marcus. I love compelling books, good food, interesting conversation about things other than people and pop culture, and fine coffee. I really love my costume jewelry collection–probably just as much as the Queen of England loves the Crown Jewels. Stuff doesn’t impress me. I like nice things but not always expensive ones. I love what catches my eye.
The things that make me happy are so much more existential than what most people are willing to give. I feel most loved when people extend me helping hand without me having to ask. I desire the appreciation, attention, and affection of those who say they love me–not smothered but at least acknowledged as I seek quality over quantity and consistency over showiness. I love being known for who I am rather than what I do. I want to be able to trust you with my real self and not one of the many selves that I use to protect who I am from the selfish, the needy, the inattentive, the unappreciative. Things cannot ever replace those needs for me. Buying me a Dooney & Burke purse could never replace the lack of affection. Spending money on roses and perfumes and diamonds (while I will value the gift because of the giver) won’t ever measure up to giving me your full attention.
I just don’t care about stuff as much as I care about me.
In the heated rush of first attraction, we miss the signs that the other person cannot (or in some cases will not) give us what we need. We accept physical expressions as true care about our souls. Even if we actually know what we require, we put important qualities about ourselves on the back burner because we are desperate for the relationship. But what good is the relationship when our needs are not being meet within it? What is the point, except to be with another body?
We should not ever allow others to determine what we need from their perspective. We owe ourselves and the universe the courage to say what we want and value ourselves at nothing less. Anyone who truly loves us will meet the standard and hold us accountable for the same. Every day, we ought to remind ourselves of the things that we require to feel loved, valued, respected, and protected in our relationships. To do otherwise is to allow others to devalue who we are.