A humongously funny title because I have never–not at any time in my short life–been gracious. I know humble. I know wisdom. I know kindness. I know love.
Graciousness? Not so much.
My brain is hardwired for snark. I sit pretty by the pool of graciousness basking in the bright promise of petty, never dipping a toe in. My mouth defaults to perniciousness. My words, even when I mean well, land jabs that run folks off. I know my guardian angels roll their eyes at me every day as the Holy Ghost slaps His spirit forehead in disgust: girl, don’t say it that way!!! You totally ruined the moment…AGAIN.
It’s my new battleground, this tactful thing. How does one go from being a natural jerk to a nice lady? How can I, flip of lip, ever share the wisdom I have with others in a way that doesn’t sting? Who wants to always eat bitter fruit, good though it may be to the belly?
The quickest way for me to do it is to just shut up in person. But I cannot write folks into heaven. Shoot, most folks don’t even read often enough to get a revelation that way. But I promise you, opening my mouth scares me. I know what to say–but my delivery sucks.
Anyway, I am working on it. Just being able to catch myself before I speak is a win at this point. Now that I’m aware of how I sound all the time (and I say aware because I’m really just receiving the message that has been bouncing off me all my life), I am determined to get better at being gracious.