As I read a book entitled For Women Only (Feldahn, 2004), I found myself astounded at the section. In her book, the author conducted a survey that asked this question of men: Would you rather feel alone and unloved, or inadequate and disrespected? An overwhelming 74% of men stated they would rather feel alone and unloved. When delving deeper, it was determined that to most men, feeling respected was feeling loved.
Now that isn’t such a BIG thing to do, is it? Most of you who have a male significant other would immediately say, “No! I respect my man.”
Well… let’s see if that is really the case. Do you ever:
- Roll your eyes while your man is talking?
- Tease or make fun of him in front of friends and family (especially other men)?
- Nag him about completing a project that you want done?
- Cut him off, interrupt him or correct him while he’s talking to others?
- Tell him how he can’t do something and call a professional (like fixing a broken appliance)?
- Respond to his mistakes by a litany of I told you so’s (think getting lost or a failed business)?
- Complain about all that he hasn’t done?
- Go back behind him and redo what he’s already completed (like wiping the baby’s hands or washing dishes)?
- Disparagingly discuss your sex life with others?
- Questioned his judgment openly?
If you have ever done any of these things, you have disrespected your man.
Why is this (non-exhaustive) list considered disrespect? The answer lies in … drum roll, please … TRUST.
When you nag, complain, mock, scorn a man, you are very contemptuously saying, “I don’t TRUST you to be the man that you say you are—I don’t TRUST that you can do the very thing that makes a man feel like a man: protect and provide.”
Every guy out there wants to be somebody’s hero. Every single one of them wants to feel needed—and to take it a step further: he wants to feel necessary. Each time you tell a guy what he can’t do, what he should do, what you could do better than him, you make him feel inadequate, disrespected, and ultimately unloved.
The problem that you face is simple: when a man feels inadequate, he will find someone else who makes him feel like a man (and in this dating climate, someone just may find him 1st). If you’re lucky, it will be a pet or some young child somewhere who needs a father/father figure. Most women are not that lucky.
Have you ever seen a couple and asked yourself, “What in the HELL does he see in her?” She’s not sexy–not even all that attractive—not smart, not talented, has nothing in common with dude. Yet she has him connected to her hip, singing her praises. I can tell you exactly what he sees in her: a woman who lets him be the man.
Ladies, if you are not careful in how you communicate with your man, you will be hating on his new chick. And he will be obliviously happy without you.
So if it is your habit to do the things listed above (or some derivative thereof), I want to caution you now: STOP DISRESPECTING YOUR MAN!!!! If you love him, you will learn to show him love in the way that he needs it—through your respect of him as a provider and protector of your family (present or future).
If you are not sure on how to do that, NEVER FEAR! I will cover everything you need to know on how to show respect, even when it isn’t always necessarily due.
(Author’s Disclaimer: the information in these articles are based on personal experience and some research. I am not a licensed marriage counselor; however, I do know what I’m talking about. If you do the things I’m telling you, it will work. For more faith based approaches, feel free to shoot your girl an email at firstname.lastname@example.org)