In all the personality type tests I’ve ever taken, I have received the designation of an architect without the same emotional cues as others who problem solves from a space not always accessible to those around me.
It is incredibly accurate, I’d say.
Few people know me in my most vulnerable self. Like, maybe 5-6 people if I take out my mom and husband. It makes for a very lonely life. But I don’t complain because my calling and the assignments I have in this earth require me to spend lots of time alone with my thoughts. Peopling requires a continuous output of energy because each interaction is precious and important. It is impartation on miraculous scales.
I get now why nobody knows about Jesus’s early life. He probably spent a lot of time alone tuning up for his ministry. And no, I’m not comparing myself to Jesus because I’m no saint or savior; I am now just realizing the cost of being able to give without expectation and having to refill your own cup.
Jesus went about his ministry healing and teaching people who maybe never made it to the cross or beyond. In fact, He said as much to some Jewish believers in John 8. And walking in true Christianity means that you do for others no matter the cost or repayment of the doing. You give no matter what. That type of giving will suck the virtue right out of you–not virtue like what we use it as (to mean moral standard), but dunimas: miraculous power or might. It takes spiritual strength. That is what Jesus felt leave him when the woman with the blood flow problems touched him–a transfer of power.
I transfer power.
And so I spend my time alone recharging my batteries, my connection to God so that I can continue to give the more. God made me for that purpose–impartation, admonition, and light.