Over the past two decades of my life. I have conditioned myself to be satisfied with less than what I’ve wanted. I have viewed life in terms of “it is what it is”, pretending to be content when really I have been anything but. It started as one of my very successful coping mechanisms that (as they often do) turned into a way of being. And life had become an affirmation of that spirit–everything has simply been what it was, and like most black women, I dealt with it.
But here recently God has been pulling my coattails–that’s no quite accurate. More like…poking me insistently. First my friends and new acquaintances reading me for filth. Then my parents–all of them–questioning my real feels. Or my children, who have a variety of ways to ask me if I’m aight. With me dodging the issue, sidestepping the question.
Then Jesus ramped up the poking.
About a month ago, I listened to another TD Jakes’s sermon about Elisha and the Shunammite woman Not even a month later, I was sitting in a church and guess what the pastor preached? Yeah. About this same Shunammite.
I started listening then. Because I know that woman. She is I and I am she.
If you don’t know the story, it’s about a lady who had bank and built Elisha a spot at her house. When he tried to give her something in return, she was like “Nah. I’m good.” Until he found out she ain’t have no kids. And when he said she was gonna have one, she told him, “No! Don’t play with me like that.” Cuz, you know. It was a dream of hers that she’d laid to rest a long, long time ago. Her husband was old. She was barren. She had made the best of a situation where what she wanted was so far away from her that she figured she’d never attain it. So she made do with what she had and pretending like she was cool with. Pretended so well, in fact, that she had made herself believe she was cool with it. That is, until Elisha brought it up.
How many times have I done that? Walked around life with a smile plastered on my face, going through life bleeding in my heart about dreams that seemed impossible? How long had I pretended–pretended until I had deceived myself? Telling the world the lying-est if lies: I’m good.
A long time, fam.
Just like her, as God has presented me with even the thought of my heart’s desires coming to pass, I have screamed. “NO! Don’t play with my emotions! Let it be! I’ve made peace with this less-than! Let me lone!” Because thinking about what I seemed to have lost forever hurts. It was, in the short term, better to pretend like it didn’t matter. I’m good.
How many times have you told the lie I’m good? How many elegies have you written for dreams and visions and buried those things deep inside your heart? How many bitter pills have you swallowed because you just couldn’t see it happening–specially when your life and circumstances have been in agreement with less than?
Listen, fam. God has released into the atmosphere the truth: your dreams are not dead; your vision did not die. Your emotions are not being played with. Dig it up right now. Dig up your dream and along with it? Your hope. Resuscitate your faith. Dust off that plan. God is saying to you–to me–that He would never put something down in your heart that He didn’t want you to have. The world cannot stop it. Your current circumstances cannot kill it. The people around you cannot destroy. The only person who can abort it? IT’S YOU.
God wants to put you back together again. He has gathered all the pieces–the hurt, disappointment, talents, gifts, tears, trials, friendships, partnerships, education, character, personality–all the bits of you into the palm of His hand. He is just waiting for you to stop shaking your head “No”.
God wants a yes. Cuz then? Then that yes becomes the breath of life that quickens the spirit of co-creation. Then? Issa wrap. It will come to pass. That Shunammite woman who cried “NO!” had a son. And even when that son actually died, God used Elisha to revive him.
Today, I speak the power to say yes over you. Now is the time to open up your heart and dream big again. That bottled up thing down in your belly wants to grow. Your vision wants to come to pass–even the one that you thought had died like her son.Yeah, even that one. The one tat you tried, and it failed. God is saying, “Try again. It is not over yet.”
Just say yes.