You Will Never Be Full This Way

I got some real good, strong, intelligent, beautiful black women on my Facebook page. I mean, the kind that remind you of your worth as a woman, and a black one at that (no shade to non-black women; I simply speak of that which I know). One of the loves dropped some good soul food for me to eat yesterday; read on:

EMOTIONAL HUNGER VS LOVE

Emotional hunger is not love. It is a strong emotional need caused by deprivation in childhood. It is a primitive condition of pain and longing which people often act out in a desperate attempt to fill a void or emptiness. This emptiness is related to the pain of aloneness and separateness and can never realistically be fully satisfied in an adult relationship. Yet people refuse to bear their pain and to face the futility of gratifying these primitive needs and dependency. They deny the fact of their own ultimate death and do everything in their power to create an illusion that they are connected to other persons. This fantasy of belonging to another person allays the anxiety about death and gives people a sense of immortality. Hunger is a powerful emotion, which is both exploitive and destructive to others when it is acted out. People identify this feeling with love and mistakenly associate these longings with genuine affection. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You not finna tell me that you cannot benefit from that revelation.

The traumas we experience as children never go away until we reckon with them. Those responses that we learned to keep ourselves safe, keep ourselves sane, keep ourselves alive don’t just fade away because we get older. No, they become bottomless holes of need, drawing to us people who help us revisit the damaging yet comfortable patterns of our younger selves. The trauma informs how we talk to people, how we perceive people are talking to us. We see ghosts and shadows in bright spaces, boogie men in heaven.

And it is always ever someone else’s fault, because no one can ever fill the holes.

Nor was any person ever meant to. Something so infinitely empty needs something eternally present to fill it. All throughout scripture, God’s promises describe how God desires to plug up the empty spaces on our behalf. For broken homes and marriages. For abandonment and rejection. For fear and loss and grief and longing. For hopelessness. For the rage that overtakes you because you are missing so much. God wants to fill those holes so that you can become whole.

And then you can love.

Love is the most selfless–and at the same time the  most Godlike–you can be. Love does not expect anything in return for being. It just responds to the moment in whatever way it is moved by the spirit. Not by what you can gain–advantage, safety, control, favors, or whatever it is that you’ve always been missing. But by what you can give that represents God’s presence in the earth.

Your goal should always be to ask God to expose those pieces of your heart that are so broken that they call brokenness to your life, to ask God to heal those wounds and fill those holes so that you can finally live the life spoken of in Psalm 23: cup running over. Because the spillage? It is the overflow of God’s love that, once it has filled you up, can now touch the lives of others around you.

I pray for you in this hour that you receive the fullness that God has promised us all, and His overflow:

Open Tools

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For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,Open Tools

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Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,Open Tools

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That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;Open Tools

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That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,Open Tools

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May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;Open Tools

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And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.Open Tools

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For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,Open Tools

” data-hasqtip=”14″>15

Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,Open Tools

” data-hasqtip=”15″>16

That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;Open Tools

” data-hasqtip=”16″>17

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,Open Tools

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May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;Open Tools

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And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. (Epesians 3:14-19)

Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’ (John 7:38)

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