A long, long time ago, I was prophesied to that I would prophesy to other people. This word was confirmed again a few years later during one of the lowest points in my walk with God, and then again right before I embarked on the life-changing events of wife-dom and motherhood. The gift of prophesy that I have been given more of, ain’t what people think it is. I am not at all predicting world events or pinpointing exactly when you gone get that promotion or new car or better spouse. Mine is more about revelation, rebuke, and redirection. As I have gotten older, I have inadvertently operated in that gift, taking some huge steps back after realizing that God has overtaken my media mouth and twitter hands and Facebook fingers to impart some instructions to somebody I hardly know. I have just now gotten a bit more…not scared of what that gift means for me and to God.
I said all that first because you need to understand the context of what happens in this story I’m finna tell.
I know folks think that “being in the spirit” means that you’re somewhere on your face passed out as clouds hover over you. This has happened to me multiple times. However, the Lord also descends on in the most mundane situation ever. In other words, when I am doing something completely regular that doesn’t require any brain power or thought process, I will often slip into the spirit. God doesn’t talk to me with His “God” voice (only twice so far in my nearly 4 decades); rather, I see scenes unfold, and the words stream passed my spiritual eye like closed caption text. The revelations I see aren’t world wars and future presidents and global catastrophes cause God didn’t give me that–that burden belongs to someone else as far as I know. God reveals insights about the exact people I’m around and the exact people I am going to meet and the exact spirits with which they are afflicted and the exact motives of their hearts. He shows me so that I can pray in the spirit for a specific outcome, protection, mercy, and grace. Most times, the prayers are private; sometimes, I pray publicly. Many times, I offer words given to me in that moment, the feeling of regurgitation overtaking me until I speak the words that filled my mouth.
One day a few weeks ago I was loading the dishwasher, peeling eggs for salad, and generally calming myself down from being previously irritated. The question came across my mind: What would make me happiest in this moment? The thought immediately came to me: that people would not make commitments with my labor in mind at the time they agree to do something that I wasn’t there to agree to.
I recognized that my earlier irritation came from exactly that–my husband and daughter making plans that he then expected me to carry out. Which he made with the assumption that I’d just get up and do. I actually did, because as angry as I was, I would never penalize my children for bad adult behavior, but it took me a good long minute to recover from the rage that bubbled up.
The opportunity to meditate while cleaning helped me to recognize the fact that I dislike taking on extra work these days. I have somehow (without recognizing it) crossed out of that dispensation of my life where my labor was my love. God had moved me from servant to son-ship, as I had prayed 2 years prior: Lord, I want to be seen and loved for more than what I do. I want you to show me how much YOU love ME.
Suddenly, hands deep in dishwater, I found the images and accompanying words flowing in front of my face. And God began to administer a revelation that held a warning for me. The scripture was Habakkuk 2:2, “Then the LORD said to me, “Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.” (NLT) And God showed myself to me, a runner of visions, made not to give the vision but to carry it to the finish. A laborer in whom others have detected the spirit of completion.
And I am.
God gave me the spirit of “keep going.” My word is my integrity; I don’t tell people I’ma do something then don’t do it. It breaks my heart, and brings me shame. I find myself unbelievably stressed out if I cannot do what I have set my mouth and mind to do.
The spirit of rejection that I’ve dealt with all my life used that gift from God against me, casting me into a cycle of “People will only love me if I do the absolute most”. And guess what? Every. Single. Person. To whom I have attached my need has exploited that glitch. They worked me into depression and misery and shame while taking credit for my work in effort to impress other people. And dogging me in the process.
God began to show me how even now in the realm of the spirit I am constantly pursued by the spirits of disorder, disuse, and exhaustion. One cannot finish if there is no order, misuse, and nothing left to offer. For a long time in my life, I had been pouring from an empty cup–never full to the brim and overflowing, just droplets enough to barely satisfy the demands made on my gifting. I had tapped out multiple times, resorting to destructive behaviors that almost laid waste to the life I had so precariously built up around myself. The last time I slid down the slippery slope of sin and iniquity, God actually spoke to me. I heard God’s voice loud and clear: I WILL KILL YOU; I WILL LET YOU DIE. I watched the whole of my life disintegrate special effects style before my eyes; I fell on my face in repentance, promising God that whatever it took, I would never go that way again. I fought for healing and deliverance. I fought for my very life.
And God restored me. God began filling my cup with new friends, my kids, new positions, new experiences. God became the love of my life, and my cup overflowed.
And the vultures descended.
But there is something so special about living underneath the shadow of the Almighty, to have God covering you with his “pinions“. My no became a complete sentence. My yes became sincere and without guile or need. Everything I have done this passed year? It has been as unto the Lord. Everything that I will ever do for the rest of my life? My worship belongs to God.
For those my fellow laborers who have been given a strong spirit of “finish”: there is a reason that people always stick to you. But the Lord rebuke that spirit!
I pray over you today, that every assignment of the enemy be canceled that he set out to distract, derail, disuse, demotivate, or discourage you in the name of Jesus Christ! I bind up that spirit of exhaustion that follows you and release the breath of God over your life. The same power that raised Christ from the dead is in you, and I declare that you will finish every assigned purpose of God with joy, peace, and energy in Jesus’s name. The Lord rebuke the spirit of latchers-on and the vampire spirit in Jesus’s name. I revoke access to the finishers for God’s purpose by the enemy; the Lord’s angels hide them as they go about the purposes of God. In Jesus’s name we pray–amen.